new year

I’ve been hiding from the blog-o-sphere because I’m quite swamped with work. Classes are hitting me hard this semester, not to mention committee work, along with trying to gear up for exams. I enjoyed my break but kind of felt like I hit the ground running, coming back quite literally the day before. In hindsight I should have given myself more time to unwind in school-state before instead of trying to squeeze out al the fun from home-state. 

I’m not complaining….not yet, but have had a few moments of panic and we are only in week 2 of school. ugh. 

I’m going to try to blog and let this be an outlet for my stress, if I can member with what all the panic and anxiety. 

But on a lighter note- the inauguration festivities were truly wonderful today!

The Joy of Being on Winter Break

So, I’ve neglected blogging and really any other kind of reading and writing that doesn’t fall under the domain of my school stuff, for like the past 3 months, or maybe longer.  But, as I’ve said before, I had good reason. Multiple random, thankfully non-critical medical issues, lots of school work that took me in directions I had not thought I was going in, and lots of unexpected travel up and down the east coast. But, thankfully the semester is now over. I have two seminar papers that I need to complete by Friday (no panic, I’ve got really good drafts for both of them, just need final touches) and I’ve already read student papers, so its just a matter now of putting in the final grades. So, to help me ease my way back in the blog-o-sphere  and to get myself to do some kind of writing outside of my norm, I’m trying to establish a better blog-habit. Now, I realize that just by saying that, I’m already *not* going to establish a better blog-habit. So, I’m trying to *not* establish a better blog-habit.

I’d like to start by making lists of the joyous things that can occur while on Winter Break:

1. You get to watch your babe (without feeling like you need to go read a book or try to jot down notes for an article) and as you watch her, you notice how she eats cake. When given a slice of cake with icing, she first eats the icing, very slowly. Then moves on to the cake, then licks the plate.

Stuff I have to Do this Weekend

*draft of seminar paper I

*draft of seminar paper 2

*book chapter proposal

*store for last minute supplies to get me through the semester (um, pepsi, brownies, printer ink, paper)

poopy diapers

its the end of the semester and i feel like i’ve had a tension headache most everyday. i have two final seminar papers, a book-chapter proposal, conference proposal, and exam list prep.  and it all needs to be done by December 4. some of it even before then because of deadlines. i know it’ll all get done, but i’ve been going through several moments where i either really don’t want to do any of it, or i want to do it and can’t see how to even start. weird. the semester has been kind of strange for me anyways…lots of traveling, lots of things popping up that caused me lots of anxiousness, and of course i’ve had to work with the usual laziness that i have.

today i’ve written sporadically, a couple of paragraphs here and there, nothing really good, but at least somethings coming out, right? kinda like when your constipated…sorry if that was too much info, but you see how i’m feeling.

speaking of poop…lol just this week, for the first time ever, babe went potty to make a pooh without any help. usually, she’d announce it and then ask one of us to come with her. but tuesday night, she just simply walked to her potty, did her doo and used a wipey, then came back to tell us what she’d done. miss independece.

where you been?

so my blogging really slacked up. at least here, my coursework/exam prep blog is full of goodies, so I guess I have been doing some work.

no, really, this semester has been quite a ride:

-Babe, strange mole that worried us for a week until we could get in with a dermatologist who told us she was fine.

-DH ulcer like pains (problem solved, thankfully not serious)

-dental work that cost me close to 1000 bucks

and if that ain’t enough to get your mind moving:

-folks who want you to kiss ass

-poly-ticking at work to make sure the rough waters of academia are smooth

-trying to pretend to be interested in school stuff when you aren’t because you are really worried about your family/health/money

so yeah. its been rough. but i’m still here.

and babe, and my dh, and myself are good.

so no complaints here. just thankfulness.

just a weird time

So I’ve been abset for a bit and not that I have a regular supply of lot of readers, I do like to check in from time to time because for me this is how I communicate with friends afar and its a way for me to do some writing that is not motivated by publishing, teaching, scholarly pursuits, or that is gonna get pages upon pages of feedback.

Well, its because of all that other writing, not to mention the reading that drives that writing that I’ve been absent from this blog. I just recently started to keep a *note* blog for my coursework. I’m hoping it’ll be useful as I move towards exams so that I can easily find notes (with tags and categories) not to mention the fact that you can export and back your stuff up and I’m prayfully hopeful that wordpress won’t ever crash…i’m trusting their servers with my scholarly stuff! well, i am also obsessive so i print out every post as well. heheheh

Yeah, so the past few weeks have been filled with lots of work. I’m taking 2 courses, teaching, and have been trying to figure out what (if anything) I’ve written so far can be publishable stuff as well as submitting abstracts to conferences, trying to plan travel, planning exam lists that seem to change *daily*, and learning my way around departmental politics.

So, on top of that there’s the personal stuff as well. Babe is now almost 2.5 and that has brought a whole host of changes, a few tantrums here and there, a swoosh of emotion that sometimes seems to come out of no where (and along with this, the ability to name her feelings, but not explain them), lots of words, sometimes a struggle to get them all out that makes her ever so frustrated, the ability to pick her own clothes out of her closet and drawer, an appetite that varies by the hour (sometimes we love cereal, other times its so yuck), a new not-wanting to go to bed (bed is “so yuck”) and still a deep yearning on her part to want to be held, “hold me so tight!”

Then there is of course the economy, a constant worry about money, dental work that set me back a grand, just a general dislike of grad-school-state, and the daily stressors of feeling those stressors.

I texted my cousin the other day and we were talking about how low we had both been feeling and I don’t know what it is. We both agreed that we’ve been through far worse-and believe me I don’t want to go back to feeling that sadness we had in 2006, but its just….well, to use babe’s words “so yuck.”

me head hurts

i am pushing new intellectual stuff

i dont even make sense anymore because the stuff i’m working on i don’t even understand anymore.

but its that kind of good feeling you get from not understanding something…because you know its gonna push you to see things differently.

this shit is hard work.